Selfish Love
by metro.max
Summary: Was it so selfish of him, wanting her to remember? [oneshot]


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Fruits Basket. (Ahh, all for the sake of legality...)

**Author's Notes: **My first attempt at Furuba, and leave it to Momiji to capture my attention. X) But he's so sweet, I really don't mind.

I think Momiji is amazingly brave and strong for all he's gone through, and how he manages to be so happy all the time is beyond me, so here's a little contemplative Momiji to keep the balance in order.

Alisa_

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Selfish Love

Was it selfish of him?

Was it selfish of him, wanting his mama to himself, wanting her to remember? Was it selfish of him, wanting her to remember her only child, her son, her beautiful baby? Was it selfish of him, wanting nothing more than for her to endure the pain, to wait for those bad memories to become less painful?

He loved Mama. Momiji loved Mama, and no matter what she said, no matter how much it hurt, no matter the rejection or the pain or the tears, Momiji would always love Mama, because that's how families are. Families love each other, no matter what. So Momiji would love Mama, even if she didn't love him back.

Sometimes he would wonder how she could not love him. He was her little boy, her precious baby, her special gift from above. He didn't understand how she couldn't love him, not when he loved her so much. He didn't know how he loved her so much. Sometimes he wished he didn't love Mama like he did, so that when she yelled and cried and got sick because of him, it wouldn't hurt quite as much as it did. He was hurting Mama, he didn't know how, but he loved her just _so_ _much_, he couldn't help himself. It scared him. It all scared him.

Papa had hugged him that day, hugged him tight, and said that if he really loved Mama, if he really loved her like he said he did, then he would let Mama go. He would let Mama forget all about him, and let Mama start over. She would forget all about her little boy, her precious baby, her Momiji, and she would be happy again. It scared him, the idea that Mama would never remember him again. But it scared him even more that Mama didn't want to remember him. Papa said that he would love him twice as much, to make up for Mama's love, but Momiji knew, even when he was little, that Mama had never loved him. She had tried, but she could never love him like a mama loves her son. She could never love him at all. Not when he was a member of the Zodiac. Not when he was cursed.

He had stood outside of Hatori's office, so little and scared, hardly more than a baby. But even now, Momiji can still remember what Hatori asked Mama: "Are you sure you won't regret it?" Momiji regretted it, but Mama didn't. She didn't want him. She didn't want to love him. She wanted to forget all about her baby boy.

"Right now, my greatest regret is that that thing ever came out of my body."

That's what Mama said to Hatori right before he erased Momiji from her memory. But Momiji didn't blame her. He knew that it was the fate of the members of the Zodiac. They were different from other people. They had to be careful, had to act differently, had to be accepted or rejected. And Momiji... he was rejected.

He had listened to Mama cry from the doorway of Hatori's office. He had blinked giant brown eyes as Hatori erased him from Mama's mind forever. And Momiji knew that he was selfish, because he wanted Mama to remember him, even if it caused her pain. Because she was his mama and he was her son and mamas don't just not remember their babies.

But Momiji saved his mama when he was erased from her memory forever.

Was it selfish of him, wanting Mama to remember?

Was it selfish of him, wanting Mama to hold on?

Momiji wanted Mama to remember. He wanted her to remember the good and the bad, the happy memories and the ones that caused pain, all of them, because one day, if she had remembered, they would have made her stronger. And then she would look back on those memories and the ones that caused pain wouldn't be quite so painful, and she would be able to love him. He wanted Mama to remember him, so that after all the pain and heartache, she would have all those memories, the good ones and the bad ones, and she would be able to love her baby. She would grow stronger, and looking back on those memories wouldn't hurt like they did. And she would learn to love him, just like he loved her.

But she didn't remember. She forgot.

Momiji still loved her, even if she didn't remember, because she was his mama and he was her son, even if she didn't know it. He would always be her son.

She didn't remember, so he remembered for her. It hurt him, remembering those things, remembering Mama, but he knew that as long as he kept them close to his heart, he would grow stronger. Even if they hurt, and even if sometimes he wanted to forget, Momiji kept them locked inside, because he knew that one day, he would be strong enough to look back on them and not be afraid. He would be glad to have them.

He wished Mama would have seen it that way. He just wanted her to remember.

Was that so selfish?

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**A/N:** Anything in quotes is taken directly from the Fruits Basket anime, episode 15 (which I also do not own... not even on DVD).

**Please review!**


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